I sing it to the theme of “my buddy & me”…no I don’t.

Something most know about me now and maybe some don’t. I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in December 2007, coming on to a year now and its still pretty new to me, still going through the hurdles

As you will find out quickly I am pretty cynical about it all and tend to poke fun at it, then get angry about it, then back to poking more fun.. about it too. You have to find the humor at some point and I try even when it’s all doom and gloom in my mind, another sign of MS as I am told - you basically could fart and they’d tell you it’s associated with MS.

It’s not that bad now as when it all came about, that was the scariest time thus far though I am sure I am headed for some fun adventures in the future..

The worst was when I thought I might not be able to walk again, which just didn’t seem possible but turned out I was diagnosed with transverse myelitis. It’s something that you can get from a number of things like lyme disease, lupus, OH and syphilis..where when my mom heard that while we were in the waiting room at the hospital she had to make the comment “no, no, eee no - my daughter no have the sexo”…yes to my embarrasment my mom just told most of the people in the emergency room that I didn’t have sex and and somehow they must be mistaken.

You have to love her. really you do or she’ll turn on you.

Transverse myelitis is a neurological disorder caused by an inflammatory process of the grey and white matter of the spinal cord, and can cause axonal demyelination. Prognosis for complete recovery is generally poor. Recovery from transverse myelitis usually begins between weeks 2 and 12 following onset and may continue for up to 2 years in some patients, many of whom are left with considerable disabilities. Some patients show no signs of recovery whatsoever. However, if treated early, some patients experience complete or near complete recovery.

If it wasn’t bad enough that I could pronounce the damn thing or spell it I didn’t even understand what was happening. All I knew was I woke up one friday morning and went to work right before heading home I had this numbness. It was from the waist down and a day after shoveling snow so all I could think of was my waistband on my jeans were just way too tight and was cutting the circulation off to my lower half. I mean that had to be the reason I just went home and tried to ignore it.

So I went to the first doctor - a walk in clinic where I was told I had frostnip, yes frostnip, not frostbite that’s more common in the polar areas but frostnip

Frostnip is the least severe form of frostbite but should not be taken lightly.

Trust me anything with frost in the name, I wasn’t going to take lightly..So there I was thinking great, I am going to lose my legs to gangrene, a word used in my household on a regular basis since I had a father who fought in World War II and would repeat war stories of the guys in germany that lost their limbs in the winter due to the gangrene. That’s all that came to mind and I kept cursing the snow and winter.

So I left the walk in and went to work, nervous and weirded out telling my boss what had happened that morning and how they told me to just wait and see and if in a week I didn’t feel better to call an internist. So that night at home consisted of me staring at my legs for any signs of black with the phone and 911 on speed dial..

A day went by and it was getting worse so I dismissed that diagnosis and went for another try, this time to an internist who laughed in my face after I uttered the words “frostnip”. She said I “would have had to be outside for hours, naked, shoveling the snow for me to even get a glimpse of frostnip on my body” so I thought great - that’s great so what is it then? “a pinched nerve” she says..OH a pinched nerve, of course! that’s curable right?

So a few tests, xrays and days later and I was walking around like edward scissorhands and trying my best to ignore the situation and thinking I can still go about my daily routine as if nothing was wrong. I sat on the stairs and went up one at a time like you would when you were a kid and just moved if I had too.

But then something happened, I woke up one morning and stepped on a needle but didn’t feel it (my mom sews and you will find sewing needles floating in your cereal if your not careful). The only way I knew was the blood coming from my foot and I freaked, I called mom - told her I am going to the hospital and then I drove myself (yeah I couldn’t feel my legs but you’d be surprised how you could actually still be able to made the necessary phone calls - my mom included who all this time was saying with her loving heavy colombian accent “jour too fat paola, jew have no circulationa anda that’s why you can’t feel jour legs!”

but now a days I pretty much go about my business, with all feeling and tend to forget throughout the course of the day until it’s time for that shot. I take a shot everyday, which freaked me out at first but they have this injection piece called the auto-ejector that I just load in a new needle and it does the injection for me so it’s nothing really. Just annoying.

I thought bringing this up in my blog would also help someone else who might have just been diagnosed or has been who can relate. I recently met a few people who were going through MS, some at the later stages which is scary to be honest and some newly diagnosed. It’s definitely something I would call the limbo disease. You basically just wait for something to happen. I think if anything and from what I have been told technology has advanced enough that people are being treated in a far better manner than before - even 20 years prior so I should be lucky enough to get it now (or so I am told)

I have had my issues with people’s comments though but I have always had a problem with opinions, especially when someone comes to you and you’ve shared your experience and they say “aww that isn’t bad, MS is no big deal, I know someone with MS and there fine”. Most of the time I know it stems from someone just being nice, you see I suffer from that “the too nice” syndrome as well so I can pick up on it quickly

I am not hear digging my grave, actually total opposite. I used to regret everything growing up all stemming from my catholic, straight off the boat parents ideals and their constant encouragement that if I go against anything they say or what god said I am without a doubt going straight to hell.

Now I try to regret less, and I am slowly trying not to regret having MS. At first I thought just one more thing to have to deal with or as the saying goes “MS” stands for MORE SHIT.

But who knows, maybe there is a reason, maybe there will be a cure in my lifetime.

But for now, I am hoping people become more aware of what MS is and I will do my best to share what I have learned, what I am about to learn and my experiences with it. If you have a story you would like to share please do so..I’m all ears

we are all in this race to make the most money, have the best car, jobs, clothes…but with every goal in this world the only real success is knowing how to love that makes life worth it

just love. without it nothing else will ever matter, without it you will never truly be you. that feeling makes all this around you worth it, all the bullshit that comes with life.

so how can anyone in this world be against love? how can you want or try to stop someone from getting or showing love?

it’s happening all around us right now..of all the things in this world to focus on people are focusing on the one thing they know nothing about, with years of therapy, self-help books, magazine articles, gurus and potions - still no one knows the simple way of how to love or show love.

because if they did then we would be open to letting people demonstrate their love for one another. we would welcome it with open arms and be happy for them that they found the love that many of us are still looking for.

but from what I’ve seen and heard it just confirms my fact, people just don’t know how to love..

of all things I can’t stand in this world are people who think they are above you. we are all human. we all make mistakes, we all suffer and we all laugh. so if you feel your better at something than someone than the best thing to do is offer to share what you know to that other person. without judgment and sharpness. because there will be a time and a day when you yourself will not know and will need that help as well.

treat others as you want to be treated.

I used to work at Folio: - the magazine about the magazine industry -and now and then the editor asks for comments for the yearly predictions list from anyone that’s willing to share…I wrote this back in july 2008.

I’m just waiting to be right on one of them..

NAME: Paola DiMeglio
TITLE: Art director, CMP
SECOND HALF PREDICTION: Sean “Puffy,” “Diddy” Combs will launch his own Trump-like magazine called “White” (to go with his Hamptons/white party theme) … There will be more launches of a Gay/Lesbian Wedding Magazines in light of the new marriage laws … ”Green issues” of magazines will actually be printed on recycled paper and someone will actually use paper with implanted seeds for that “green” effect … MagCloud is going to take off … MagHound won’t catch on with subscribers because no one has any damn time to even read every issue that comes in (I am still on my January issue of FOLIO:!) … The Amazon Kindle will fizzle out … Bonnie Fuller will launch her own gossip/entertainment/fashion show … Perez Hilton will launch his own gossip magazine …

my friend was taking a look at my attempt at blogging and immediately gave me the “your grammar needs work, your missing words..and there are a ton of run-on sentences”..

yep. I know it. I will never claim to be a writer. I think that phrase “run-on sentence” has been on almost every paper I have ever written from the day I could write my own name. Even with that - paola andrea alvarez diMeglio - is a run-on. and alvarez? that’s my mom’s last name, actually her name is maria eugenia alvarez escobar.

I mean I speak in run on sentences, jumping from one thing to the next, thinking about all the things I need to do, have done, and need to redo and just spilling it into my conversations..so how can anyone expect me to take a break? to add a period here and a comma there to show signs of pause or rest? take it as a sign that paola was here. if there is a run-on sentence in your midst I got dibs on it.

just listening to some music today, it’s hard to since I get interrupted a lot during the day and the continuous “are you on the phone?” “paola how should I grab your attention when you have your headphones on?” “should I tap your desk?”…

a lot of the times I feel like saying, nah just hit me upside the head and i’ll know your there..ugh..

on the playlist today is Heart with the tendency of repeatition of stranded..straight on..love alive..

Heart is a rock band whose founding members came from Seattle, Washington in the early 1970s

I remember listening with Jen when we were little. We would be couped up in her room with hairbrush in hand, belting out the songs saying we would start our own band when we got money to buy a guitar..

an actual discussion here at work between my editor and myself..

“paola are you on the phone?”

“no. just have my headphones on?”

“are you sure your not on the phone?”

some friends and I went to check out the recently opened crumbs cupcake shop in stamford today and we bought back some goodies for the clan here..

the clan has given their thumbs up - for nearly $4 a cake it should be good in my book..I had a sliver, yeah have to lose the lbs now especially with the MS issue so have to be good about it but doesn’t mean I can’t sneak a taste..

it’s always been a dream of mine to open up a shop like that, really more of a restaurant but probably should think small before going for the big…

though I am not a sweet person, so a cupcake shop might not have all my devotion.. I love the salty stuff..the zingy, sharp taste..that’s the good stuff

but what? open a salt shop?..call it SALTY? hmm..have different salts from around the world and then dishes made with it…

I don’t know what it is about these colored goldfish crackers but I must show my love..

there I love goldfish.

I find humor at work mostly everyday, every hour.

This was a response to an email that was sent to the art department…the first part is the email sent and then my response to it…
November 11, 2008

Dear Tom & Anthony, Nancy & Lois, Maria & Paola:

Hello. Can we please move the big green Cutting Board back over to the Art Department? It is now in the huddle area over by me and Barbara.

It once was situated in the Art Department section by Maria, in between Maria’s desk and Paola’s desk (Mary H’s old desk).

It may be overlooked when we’re packing for the new building, since it is hiding in this huddle over here by the mail slots. Would someone in the Art Dept please pack it with the rest of the equipment going over?

Can we please put it on one of the desks/countertops for now, in one of your three areas: Tom/Anthony area; Nancy/Lois area; Maria/Paola area ?

Please let me know what is best, and I’ll ask Robin to move it over to you in the morning.

Thank you all for your consideration.

Sincerely,

Maryanne ——–

cc: Caren, Meg

——————————————–THE RESPONSE————————————————–

November 11, 2008

Approximately 4:41pm on a cold cloudy day at CMPMedica

Dear Anthony, Nancy & Lois, Maria & Cherie, Cortney & Santa, God & The Cleaning Lady,

Hello. The big green scary cutting board has now been moved to the Art Department. It is now located in the huddle area over by me and Maria & Cherie. The exact map coordinates are latitude: 41.08667 / longitude: -73.460274. If I had time I would get a tattoo like Angelina Jolie so I won’t forget it’s whereabouts.

Many years ago the big green scary cutting board was located in the Art Department section by Maria, in between Maria’s desk and Mary’s desk (Paola’s new desk).

It may be overlooked, that BIG GREEN SCARY CUTTING BOARD, when we’re packing for the new building, and since it is hiding in this huddle ready to jump out and scare you and even possibly be used for harm by someone not realizing it’s purpose in life could someone move it? And move it fast, by today, possibly within the next 10 minutes or 15 to be exact?

Maybe over to the bathroom? The closet? The kitchen? Will it fit under your desk?

Can we please make a decision and figure out where to put this cutting board?

Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen! On, Comet! on Cupid! on, Donder and Blitzen! To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall! Under the desk!

Or maybe in one of your three areas: The IT guy what-are-you doing really area; The IT guy burping area; The IT guy are you still eating area?

Please let me know what is best or I will have to decide for myself and as you can see that would take a lot of time, so much that by the time we move I will have come to decision but the building would be locked and that big green scary cutting board will be left alone by itself on the empty 1st (technically 2nd) floor.

And while we are add it can someone who moved My Who Moved My Cheese book please return it?

Thank you all for your time and consideration and help with listening to me plea for mercy

Sincerely,

Paola DiMeglio, ext ICANTTELLYOU

cc: Santa